Playing Rough

We are still working on Kristina learning to have a more gentle touch. The only issue that remains at school have to do with her heavy hand. The notes that we get said she “hit” a kid in the playground or “hit” her classmates on the shoulder while they were sitting at their desk. The teachers and staff recognize that she is not being mean but that her tap to other kids is sometimes too rough for them. If the kid says “ouch”, it is consider a hit. As a parent it is a tough one to address, and I have witnessed events in which the other kid gets right on her face and she put her hands up to block him without even moving her hands away from her, and all the teacher says is “Kristina, keep your hands to yourself”, nothing to the other kid who started and was rough. Not saying that she is a saint because I know she is not but how many of those times is she protecting herself. Sometimes she will say we were playing Tag. Or yesterday the note said that she “shoved” a kid at recess so she could be first in line. Don’t all CEO’s of big companies get to the top by shoving people to the side? Or in some sports you have to “shove” people aside to score? All kidding a side, it is a fine line and a hard one to address.

The only reason we get the notes are because as part of her IEP they record her behaviors at school in a simple checklist table to let me know how her day went. And perhaps I am glad (not sure if I am) because we do not see any of the pushing and shoving when she plays with our friends' kids. We are working on role playing and also showing her the difference between gentle touch and a hit, and showing her to do a gentle rub/stroke instead. We are working on showing respect and talking about perception and adjusting to demanding environment. Some of her classmates are fragile and it is a good experience for life. She is a quick learner and I have not doubt that within the next two months this will be a thing of the past.

On a side note, I have a dear friend from Russia who remarried and had one son born and raised in the USA and 2 step children raised in Russia. He would compare the kids and say that kids were raised to be tough in Russia, of course being a man he didn’t like his son to be a wimp when pushed by the other kids. Not criticizing or passing opinion on his thinking but just looking at cultural differences. Are we raising wimps in this country? Will we get further ahead being submissive?